So far in my life, staying in the same place was never really much of an option, and whatever the environment was in my localized bubble of time there was always a next step looming on the horizon. High school had an end. College had an end. All without really any conscious action necessary. Just continuing my daily routine brought me closer to a prescribed finish. With adult life, that's not always the case. I'm sure there's a world where I could choose to live in New York and have the same job, keeping my life constant for a possibly uncomfortable amount of time. I could close the threads on my open subplots, find the end of all of these unmaintained friendships and unpursued romances. But I'm not, at least not for now. I'm moving to Tokyo in September.
It was an easy decision at first. I love Japan, and the prospect of being immersed in my favorite food and being only a train or two away from a new adventure is compelling. The positives are definitely there, but as the date looms closer I'd describe it as an anxious excitement.
As I make my rounds about the city, saying goodbye to friends I haven't seen in months, it makes me wonder what my life could have been like if I'd stayed. Being completely honest with myself, I know that some of these friendships would have remained dormant if I wasn't about to leave. It's like how I've never visited the Statue of Liberty or been to the Top of the Rock. They seem like they're always there, and I can visit them whenever I'd like, if I'd like. It's the scarcity of time that's driven me to rekindle friendships, so it would be a bit irrational to consider that a reason to stay. The human heart isn't rational, though.
That said, I've taken a situation in which inaction leads to me living in New York and I've turned that into a situation in which inaction leads to me moving to Japan. The track has been switched, and I've set my path. In the past I may have been more malleable. I based many of my life decisions for the sake of pursuing unfulfilled fantasies. I don't regret anything, because I realize that I've grown, not much, but enough to make my own decisions without having a pipe dream to push me along.
And so here I am, contemplating my last few weeks in New York and daydreaming about the unrealized futures I could have lived. New York, thank you for making me the person I've become today.